Coffee and Christ

As I sit in this coffee shop, one foot up on a chair, body on a bench, and textbook in lap (thoroughly ignored) I am tired. Today has been a long day. A day filled with hard conversations, both in person and through email. A day filled with reading about the politically correct university setting that hinders a female’s well-being as she is told all about contraceptives, protection, and the right to explore sexually; neglecting the fact that emotionally it will scar her. It has been a day filled with introspection and trying to figure out where my heart lies in my relationship with people and with Christ.

I am tired.

“The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.” –Westminster Confession.

Oh, what does that even mean? I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do. What I want to do these next few months and what I want to do next year. I have desires, dreams, goals… both lofty and unattainable as well as the probable and attainable. As I think about these goals that I have in relation to school, jobs, people, I find myself thinking about what I want to do spiritually.

I’m in a rut. And while I’ve finally acknowledged that and found peace with that recently, I want to now move past the rut. I desire to know the person of Jesus and know Him intimately. I do not want to know facts and statistics about Christ, I want to know Christ. Much how knowing the age, favorite color, and current boyfriend of your friend are all nice facts, there’s so much more to your friend than those simple statistics. There is so much more to Christ, to my Father, to the Holy Spirit. I want to know Him as I know my best friends. I want to enjoy Him… I want to glorify Him. I want to live a holy life in the presence of Christ. I want to live a holy life that honors Christ.

I want to know Christ like I know the taste of my coffee. A white mocha… it is warm and familiar, and yet different with each cup. It’s a pleasant taste, although sometimes bitter depending on the amount of espresso versus the amount of syrup. Everyone makes it with their own spin, it never tastes the exact same. I know that and love my white mochas. I know them on an intimate level. I know which coffee shop makes it sweeter or bitterer. I know which coffee shop I need to ask for it to be extra hot. I know my coffee better than I know my Savior… this does not sit well with my soul.

I’m on a mission. I want to know Christ. Intimately and personally. Without rules, without guidelines, without formulas. Just me and Christ and whoever He places to be part of the growing and learning process. I just want Christ.

I’m tired. But today, I have hope too. Hope that I’ve not had for awhile. I also have a God who loves me and laughs at me that I know my white mochas so well. He is a God I desire to know intimately. The taste of hope on my tongue is an old, familiar taste too. I embrace it today.