Childhood vs. Adulthood

Oh to be a child.

My 20th birthday was this past weekend. Typically, I hate birthdays... not everyone's, just my own. Past experience has taught me that...
1.) Somebody is bound to get into a fight
2.) My parents will be stressed out by my party because of the fight
3.) I will feel awkward at my own birthday because of fighting or the pressure of making sure everyone is happy.
Amongst many other events that have caused this annual occurrence to be stressful and unhappy.

This year, my birthday was exceptional. Minus the awkward friend date that I had on Friday night, when I realized my "friend" had much more than just friendship in mind. In that case I was angry, upset, and felt violated and I now definitely dislike the male population at the moment. Save for those few wretched hours I truly enjoyed my birthday. Dinners, lunches, and coffee with families and friends that I adore, getting my ears pierced, playing at the mall, random dance parties, playing at Pojo's (an arcade and game center) being with my high school best friend who currently lives in Texas but came to see me for my birthday, receiving lovely phone calls and cards from those that are too far away. It was a good reminder of how much I am loved, and also a reminder of how many people I have to love.

Today, I took two finals. My Bio 100 final and my Psych 310 final. Neither went exceptionally well, I'll pass with a C in Bio and a B in Psych, definitely not ideal. Before the finals I spent the morning studying. After the finals I went to the bank and cashed my paycheck, ate dinner, studied, went to the gym, and then picked up a few groceries at the store.

The differences between my weekend and the week since are striking to me. I'm no longer a little girl. I'm two decades old. And while for many people, the 20s are prime time, I can not help but reminisce over the days gone by. Days of bike rides, clapping games, and slip n' slides. Days of building forts, snowmen, and castles in the sand. Days of endless adventure, play, and fun. I enjoy my life now, but I miss things as they were.

My therapist challenged me last week to do things that make me happy. I'm not so sure how well I've done with his assignment. I enjoyed my birthday very much, so I think that definitely counts. But I've been wanting to build a fort for quite awhile now and still have yet to do this. I wanted to have a snowball fight when there was two inches of snow, but didn't. I'm realizing the things that make me happy are really quite simple. Somehow, I'm going to try and mesh being a child and being an adult, because to live my life well, I want both.

Oh to be a child...
and yet to be an adult.

May we all find joy in whatever age we find ourselves. Knowing that this moment in time, is a good moment.